This Question comes courtesy of Adam Zax:
Who would be on your rocket to the sun? (meaning people you'd like to immediately die a horrifically painful death)Ok, Adam. Here are my top 10 people/things I would want to shoot to the sun resulting in their untimely and quite painful death.
(in no particular order)
1)
Toby Keith. I actually enjoy Toby's earlier musical stylingS. I really do. But ever since about, oh I don't know, the song 'Whose Your Daddy", I've wanted to cut out his jugular. So vaya con dios, TK.
2)
Androids.Specifically the kind in Blade Runner, Westworld and the Cylons of BSG. You are going to need to make sure they are strapped in and have no way of accessing the mainframe of the ship. You can't let them near it or they will foil the mission and come back to Earth to seek vengeance against me.
3)
Raven Symone.Woof. Every since that spunky lil' brat attack landed on Cliff and Claire's steps I was over her. Her "rap" career at the age of 4 almost made me take my own life. Now she is what, 21, and she looks like she is a 45 year old mother who shops at "Torrid" fashions for husky chicks. Her sassy attitude and overall awfulness has lead me to call her a C-Unit on many occasions.
4)
Creed - the entire band along with every single cd ever manufactured by them. Peace the fuck out Stapp and cronies. I've had enough of your bullshit.
5) I figured the members of Creed wanted to have come company on their one way trip to total annihilation - that's why I'm sending that
Amy chick from Evanescence. C'mon, you dress like a goth chick on a spending spree at Hot Topic and sing operatic songs about bleeding hearts. I'd rather be raped by a hobo than listen to that bullshit. Buckle up, Evanescence.
5)
Ann Coulter. Although I am not 100% sure she would actually die. The devil has ways of circumventing things like that. Worth a shot. At least her lovely locks and adams apple would be singed in any case.
6)
The cast of Touched By An Angel. Look, God Bless em', but that show was insufferable and they deserve to atone for their sins. They've got God on their side - it will be quick and as painless as possible. Unlike that of Raven....she's going to suffer. But that's so raven!
7) C
entury the Bouncer at Taylor's back in 2001. F-You Century. You're not an American Gladiator so stop going by that stupid name. I saw you snorting coke and never said anything. Yet, just to show how bad-ass you were, you snagged my fake ID in front of my ex boyfriend and his entire frat. This is AFTER you had accepted said fake ID for a year. I didn't wear those over-sized sweaters to make me look 150lbs (the weight of the girl on my id) for nothing. You're an SOB Century. Enjoy being baked alive.
8)
The guy who called me "Un-Sexual" at the Gingerman in Dallas back in 05'. While it makes me laugh looking back, being referred to as a "black hole of sexuality" automatically earns that cockface a place on my rocket ship to the sun.
9) The entire
Precious Moments line. I don't know what temp it would take to melt porcelain, but I have a feeling the Sun could do the trick. Oh how I hate the Precious Moments figurines. I hate them with a passion that should be saved for the murderer of your loved one. Well let me tell you - those doe eyed little fuckers in pastel outfits with witty titles such as "Oh Lord Spare Me" have indeed murdered something....my soul. Blow those bitches up with some intense solar powered awesomeness. Precious my ass.
10)
Pukka Shell necklaces. All of them. Gather them up trail of tears style. Box em'. And shoot them straight into the sun. Good by pukka. With the pukkas gone Holister and barbed-wire tats won't last long back on planet Earth.
Great Question, Adam! Keep em' coming!!
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