The reason for my blogging absence (not that anyone actually reads this thing enough to realize I was MIA - but whatever) was due to the fact that my mom had to have her knee replaced. So, being the dutiful only child I am (hopefully lightning won't strike me for writing that), I packed up my suitcase, popped more clonopin than necessary and headed on that big ole' silver bird back to Texas. Now I remember why I don't make trips home during the summertime...HOLY SHIT ITS FUCKING HOT AS BALLS!!!! Seriously. Don't let people lie to you and say that humidity isn't a big deal. I felt like I was in Guam fighting off kamikaze planes or something...wait, did they even fight any of the Pacific battles in Guam? I'm too lazy to look it up, so just work with me people.
I spent about 80% of my time at the hospital and the rest of it either at home getting things set up for her arrival back, tending to her flowers, feeding the dogs or going on drives to get sweet tea and look for bizarro church marquee signs (for the record most just mentioned Jesus arriving soon and that sinners would burn in hell...nothing special). I know, exciting huh?
Here are the highlights of my trip home:
1) The clientele at the local Wal-Mart.
Holy shit, I looked like Cindy Crawford in comparison to the majority of the patrons. I've never felt so good about myself as when I stepped into that establishment. Is everyone in NE Texas on meth or do they just not give a shit about dental work?
2) Hospital Waiting Room.
The tv was BLASTING "FOX News" and the reading materials consisted of a diabetes magazine with Alan Thicke on the cover and a shit ton of old "Family Circle"'s. Between that goodness and the fact the waiting room smelled like a mix of bacon and popcorn (at 6am, mind you) - I was on the verge of vomiting for the majority of Tuesday.
3) "The Radio Shopper" show on the local country station.
Saturday mornings one of the local country stations has a radio show where people can buy/sell/request goods and services. They sell everything from trailers and livestock to offering to clean out gutters or find rattlesnakes...but the people who call in...WOW WOW WOW WOW. I find myself staring at the radio, mouth gaping open, trying to figure out if its a relative or a friend who is calling into the show. Its pretty much the most amazing thing ever.
4) Local Bars
The local bar that was built from a converted train depot was forced to close early on Friday night after a bar brawl erupted. The fight itself wasn't the reason for the closure, they have fights all the time, the issue itself was that the bartender, patron and the entire bar/beers/ice coolers, were all COVERED in blood. It looked like the Manson family had a field day in that joint. Nothing is more disturbing than being handed a long neck and having blood mixed in with the condensation.
0 comments:
Post a Comment