New Years Resolutions

Here are my New Years Resolutions:

1) Kick my debilitating schnapps habit.
2) Loose 60 lbs.
3) Learn how to hunch over a little bit more in order to really perfect my Gollum-esque posture.
4) Meet Kenny Loggins.
5) Make Kenny fall in love with me.
6) Marry Kenny Loggins.
7) Have a secret affair with either Michael McDonald or Huey Lewis.
8) Make Kenny write a love song for me.
9) Divorce Kenny for Huey Lewis.
10) Ditch Huey for each and every member of the News.

All are pretty attainable, I think.

Happy New Year, Jerkwads!

I've still got a nasty case of the sniffles. What better way to usher out the old bullshit from the previous year,than to blow & cough it out? Am I right or am I right?! This trifling little cold isn't going to stop me from competing in a "Battle of the Rockbands" down in Sand Dawg. I've been practicing my drums over my Christmas break like a maniac - I don't want to brag but I've basically become the Phil Collins of the "Easy" level. I know, pretty fucking impressive. And for all of you idiots out there - yes, Phil Collins KILLS on the drums. And so do I. I can also sing. I've been known to changes peoples lives with my rockband singing skills. You haven't really lived until you have heard my rendition of "Enter Sandman" or "More Than A Feeling" whilst being backed up by a fake band.The place I might really screw the pooch is when I am forced to play the ole' guitar. Ever since I took guitar lessons back in the day and convinced myself that my teacher was attempting to roofie/molest me, I've not had much respect &/or talent for the guitar. Side note about the teacher - what person offers a girl Orange Juice before her guitar lessons? EXACTLY! Danger Stranger. So hopefully I can rig the system and stick to singing and hittin' the skins.

Anyway, wish me luck. I am hoping to round house punch 08' in the face and just embrace 09' with Journey-style open arms.

Enemy of the State: Olivia Edition

Once the Huxtables allowed that lil' tramp into their house, it was obvious they had just jumped the shark. Oliva was like the kid from the Omen - evil. Sassy and evil. My dislike of Raven began with the Cosbys and has followed her all the way to 2008. Yuck Yuck Yuck.

Public Enemy #1

Eyes Matted Shut + Fever + Princess Diaries 2: The Royal Engagement = A Very Sad Sunday

When I awoke this morning I was convinced I had gone blind from too many belinis last night. I just so happened that once again my peepers had swollen shut. Totally awesome. And a really sexy look for me. Its a shame I didn't have some gigolo in bed next to me so that he could have witnessed the minx I had awoken looking like. Side note about those belinis - there was some sort of green looking object at the bottom of the glass. Now it looked like an olive, which seemed strange to be in a champagne drink, but who knows at those fancy-pants bars. Anyway, I got to the bottom of my glass and put the thing that looked like an olive into my mouth - It was certainly not an olive. I have no idea what the fuck that was, but it was not an olive and it was the most disturbing texture I have ever encountered in my mouth. And thats saying something. HEY-O!

Anyway, back to the matted eyes - along with the eyes, I realized I also had a fever and a sore throat. Good times. I guess too much rockband just took it out of me. So I found myself in bed all day long - only making trips up to refill my hot tea. I look a mess. I feel a mess. And to make matters worse - there is SHIT on tv. Seriously nothing. I'm actually switching between Unfaithful and the Princess Diaries 2. Sure Sound of Music is on - but when I watch me some Captain Von Trapp action, I watch it sans commercials. Christopher Plummer deserves better than to be interrupted with stupid ads for King of Queens or some such bullshit.

I was able to enjoy The Shining this afternoon - nothing is better to watch when you are sick than The Shining. How great is Shelly Duvall in that flick? Her freaking kid is like possessed by the devil and her solution is to sort of shake, sob and just say "its going to be ok". Is it crazy Wendy Torrance? I don't think it is. Can you IMAGINE the sort of therapy Danny had to get into after leaving the Outlook? His dad tried to slaughter the family, his mother is a "greasy sobbing ferret" and the one dude who helped him understand his "shining" was killed by his crazy dad and also liked to decorate his house with blaxploitation photos - that's a shitload of things for a lil' freak to process. I'd love to see an expose on Danny's life 20 years down the line. Hell, Wendy's too - I bet she ended up a real piece of work.

So this is how I am spending my evening. In the span of me writing this post I realized that Raven Symone is in Princess Diaries 2- which makes me automatically turn off that fucking movie. ARGH! I hate Raven Symone - what an annoying bitch. I would love for Raven to have ended up at the wrong end of Jack Nicolson's axe in The Shining. Harsh? Have you WATCHED Raven in action? Exactly.

I need some theraflu.

Hey, Girl. Hey! - Tuesday Night Topic!!

Favorite Infomercials - both past and present.
Tuesday - January 30th - 9-10pm!!

Christmas Day = Jaywalking Bums

I don't know what the deal is with transients and jaywalking but for some reason on Christmas Day - I had to slam on my brakes about 50 times in the span of 2hours in order to avoid splattering hobo guts on the rain slicked streets of Hollywood. What the hell, Hobos? You think because its Jesus' birthday, that you are not subject to laws? Gimme a freaking break, Hobos! You are lucky I was paying attention and I didn't crash into you. You think your life sucks now - wait until I plow into you in my toyota camry. Nothing is more embarrassing than being creamed by a late model toyota. And as you lay there all torn up, my radio would be adding insult to injury by blaring Chicago or some such mellow rock. It would have been a very un-merry Christmas hobos. Very un-merry. Pull yourselves together and straighten up and fly right.

Show Me How The Piggies Eat: Or how I plan on spending my night

Some people enjoy classics like "White Christmas" and "Its A Wonderful Life" at Christmastime. I on the other hand enjoy the more recent classic - "A Christmas Story". Darrin McGavin as the persnickety father and the mom from Close Encounters basically rule - and lets not forget Randy the weirdo kid brother. I was pretty much Randy when I was younger, only I ate. I was that weird. Bet you can't believe that, huh? True story though. The whole movie just makes me happy and nostalgic - although it leaves me nostalgic for a time that I was not alive during and memories I didn't share. I never wanted a gun as I was highly paranoid. But regardless it makes me long for the days of yore.

And since TBS has begun showing this film for 24 hours straight over Christmas, I have made it my mission to at least catch a couple viewings of it. OCD much? Sure.

Once again I am spending the holidays out in LA sans the traditions of home. But while my blood relations aren't here - dear Ralphie, Flick and my doppelganger Randy will be here to ensure that I have a dandy holiday.

Side note, did you know Flick - aka the kid from The Toy ended up in porn? Yeah - Scotie Motherfreaking Schwartz ended up bonin' chicks on film. Blech. Merry Christmas indeed.

How I have been passing my time?

Playing the drums on rock band. Playing them for HOURS on end. So much so that I have officially passed the easy level twice on both discs. I've also played so much that my hands are calloused and cramped.

So yeah - my break has been completely fruitful. And I fully intend on celebrating the birth of Christ by rocking him into this world with my rousing rendition of "Synchronicity II"....the way HE would have wanted it.

I am pretty sure that with every hit of the stick on the drum, my ovaries die a thousand deaths. This is one step away from me buying the Indigo Girls complete discography and making out with KD Lang..... yeowza.

Rite Aid Pharmacy Tech: Or How I took my geekdom out on an unsuspecting fool

I have SERIOUS problems, people. Serious.

This evening I ran to my local pharmacy to grab a prescription - you know, for my raging herpes. I kid. I kid. I have the clap. Anyway, so I am standing there in line and something about the pharmacy tech is rubbing me totally the wrong way. And I am talking like seriously pissing me off. Out of nowhere. And she wasn't doing anything wrong - the woman was ridiculous kind and patient to a sweet little old man who by the looks of it was on deaths doorstop. God bless her awful soul. All the people in line seemed to just swoon over her sweet little heart and all I wanted to do was kick her in her ugly grill. And once she was waiting on me it hit me why I hated her so much. Dear God if she doesn't look exactly like the character that I hate on Battlestar Gallactica. I'm talking the ONLY character I truly hate on that show - one Dualla. Oh GOD!This dawned on me about the same time that I was practically biting her head off after she "lost" my prescription.

At what point are you such a nerd that you start taking out your aggressions for fictional sci fi characters on poor unsuspecting real people who just happen to favor them a bit? Well I am apparently there - whatever level of geekdom that is - I am officially its queen.

In my defense, Dualla is the shittest character on BSG and had no right, no right whatsoever to marry Lee Adama. She is a real son of a bitch.

Website of the Afternoon: Shep Does LA

http://theshep.tumblr.com/

Great News!!!!!

I got a motherfucking latte!!!

Waaah. Waaaah. Waaaaah.

Did I mention I hate stuffing cards?

Aren't I the lucky one?

Ain't life a bitch? Just when you think you are in the clear and living the sweet life things take a turn for the shitty...and in my case the "shitty" would be the fact that somehow we were about 400 holiday cards short. So guess what my ass is doing right now? Stuffing, licking and labeling more cards. To make matters worse I had to get here early so that I could plow through these before the boss gets here and revs up the holiday party and in my rush to get here I had to bypass the morning latte run. And we have no interns today to do my bidding.

I must have been a real jerk in a past life or something because this sucks ass.

Clip O' The Day!

Lunch of Champions

Diet coke, cupcake - with only the icing having been eaten off and not seen in the photo, a venti latte.

I am a vision of health.

Happy Thursday!

from the website: Boytaurs

Song Of The Night: The Waterboys "Bang on The Ear"

HEY GIRL HEY - TONIGHT!

Special Guest:
Chris Dane Owens!!!!

CALL IN #:

1-323-203-0815

www.latalkradio.com

Thank You GOD!

I am finally finished with those stupid fucking labels. I've made it through the hell that is known as collating and have emerged on the other side. I'm not unscathed from this journey, though. No, not even close. I'm fairly certain I've developed carpel tunnel, a lazy eye and suicidal thoughts from this experience. There is nothing better than literally spending from 7am-4pm sitting at your desk, pounding coffee and correcting address mistakes non-stop. No lunch. No enjoyment. No blogging. Just. Fucking. Typing. I did it though - and I feel like Rocky. Or at least the blind chick, Sonora, from "Wild Hearts Can't Be Broken". Boo Yah!

Suck it labels! And the best part of the whole experience? Realizing that your letters will get there once everything has shut down for the Christmas holiday, thus rendering the cards utterly worthless. SWEET!

A song dedication to the bane of my existence

I'd like to dedicate this song to the spreadsheet in my life - the spreadsheet that continues to freeze up,force my computer to restart and then looses the hours of information that I corrected.


Mr Spreadsheet, you sir, are a motherfucker.

The "Hey, Girl. Hey" Show - CHRISTMAS SPECIAL

With very special guest:

CHRIS DANE OWENS!!!!


I'll be interviewing Chris and then taking your calls tomorrow night!!! TUNE IN!

Data Loss....And I Ain't Talking About the Pasty Dude from Star Trek

I worked my ass off collating contact addresses last week through last night in an attempt to get those 1,000 labels printed off first thing this morning. Guess what? Computer froze and lost all of the changes I made since Friday evening. Yeah. If there was a way that I could put an IV of Crown Royal into my arm right now I would. I managed to lick the last of the envelopes - my tongue/taste buds will never be the same again due to the 60 odd paper cuts I gave myself. I would like to crawl into a hole and cry - or at least go on a nice drive up the PCH, looking at the water and enjoying the rain all while rocking out to some Loggins and Van Morrison.....but alas, the labels need to get done and I don't think my boss would appreciate me leaving. So here I am. Gulping down caffeine. Collating. Trying not to go crazy. Having a job sucks sometimes.

Amazing Song of the Day: "It's So Cold In Tha D"

It's So Cold in the D - Watch more Free Videos

Thanks to Jamie for showing this gem to me!

Tony Toni Tone is a LIAR

It does rain in Southern California!!

Rainy Days & Mondays Always Get Me Down

Actually only Mondays get me down. I love the freaking rain. I like a regular Eddie Rabbit song over here! I blame the Oregonian in me - you know what they say, "you can take the girl out of oregon but you can't take the oregon out of the girl. (thats what she said - A ZING)". But seriously, I love the rain and despite the fact that it is Monday, I've lost all of the data that I corrected for the labels last week and I'm sans my morning Starbucks, I'll be damned if this gloomy weather doesn't make me smile.

Happy Monday!

Mental Time Out

I swear to God, if I see another contact list I am going to throw myself in front of my bosses electric car. Its literally driving me insane. And seeing how I want to live long enough to at least see "The Tale of Despereaux" - I decided to take a little mental health break. And who better to help comfort me during my stressing than one Mr. Chris Isaak. Meow.

Happy Friday.

TGIF, Knuckleheads!

I almost spit out my coffee when I saw this gem via "Sexy People".

Happy Fucking Friday.

Happy Holidays My Ass

Today is officially "one of those days" and it may or may not have to do with the 1,000 (literally) contacts I am having to cross check and then print off and put on 1,000 envelopes. That then have to be stuffed with 1,000 holiday cards. Then they must be stamped 1,000 times. And most fun of all, my sad little tongue has to lick the seals of said envelopes 1,000 times before these little fuckers can be mailed. And this has to be done by tomorrow.

If I threw myself down a flight of stairs here at the office, could I get workers comp? Also, what sort of "fleeing" allows you to use the term "on the lam"....because I am thinking of making a run for it. Shit, I doubt my car would make it to Mexico - but it might make it to the liquor store around the corner. I need to be on the lam...even if just mentally on the lam.

Do you think it is inappropriate to send an intern to the liquor store for Baileys if they are 21?

New Favorite Website!

"Fuck You, Penguin"
http://fuckyoupenguin.blogspot.com/


Thanks to Tom for the link!!

OMG! OMG! OMG! There is a mouse in the house!

Care to know what my Achilles heel is? Movies about Mice!!! I just go nuts when I see films about precocious lil' mice scampering about and getting into shenanigans. And I am not kidding when I say "nuts". There is something about mouse movies that melt my cold black heart.

In all honesty, films with talking animals in general make me swoon..and sob. It sort of goes hand in hand. You will see my cranky and unloving demeanor crash into a million pieces the second you flip on the movie Babe. When Mr Hogget takes Babe to the sheep dog trials and he tells the amazing piglet, "That will do, Pig. That will do" - I cry and I cry hard. Not the sniffles mind you. I am talking lump in your throat, gasping for air, scrunched up face, sort of waterworks. And to top off the Babe situation, throw in the little singing Mice and you basically have me incapacitated for a day when they sing, "Blue Moon" and intro the new scenes. SWEET LORD WHY ARE THEY SO DAMN CUTE?!

When I was in college, I was still riding the Babe high and then Stuart Little came out. Oh sweet Stewie!!! That movie made me loose my shit from cuteness. Hell, even J Lip (or Jonathan Lipnicki for those not in the know) made an appearance! I love, love, loved that movie. A guy who liked me won my heart (which in my case means I gave him the time of day for about a week) by purchasing me two Stuart dolls. The smaller of the two, Stuart clad in PJ's, is my little talisman that I carry when I fly. You can imagine the looks I get when I get on a plane and start gnawing on tabs of Klonopin and whip out a pocket-sized mouse. One time Stuart fell out of my bag in the middle of the baggage claim area and was spotted by a totally hot guy. He kept yelling, "Miss. Miss. I think you dropped something". And to my horror it was Stuart. I was so mortified that I wanted to leave him there and pretend that I wasn't the one carrying a mouse doll in my pocket - but he looked so sad and lonley lying on the ground. So I swallowed what little pride I had and scooped him back up and he lived to fly another day with me.

With all of that said, you can imagine my excitement over the latest mouse film, "The Tale of Despereaux"!!! OMG! Look at the cute little mouse ears! Look at his cute mouse nose! And his little clothes and his sword. I get choked up just watching the trailer. I am so seeing this on opening day. Sure that makes me pathetic and look slightly like a danger stranger, but I don't care. I love Mouse films!!!

For the record, "Rat" films I do not care for. Templeton in Charlotte's Web was an asshole. The Secret of Nihm scared the shit out of me and still does to this day. And I am the only person alive that didn't like Ratatouille. Sue me! Rats are gross. Mice are awesome.

TOMORROW NIGHT - Be there or be square!

"Not It" is performing!
http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/pages/Not-It/19464038628?ref=ts

If you are in the LA area, please come out and support my freinds! Rene Gube and Danny Mastrangelo are "NOT IT" and they are performing tomorrow evening at 8pm. Come and watch some 2 man improv, have a beer, and laugh your ass off!
Not It! Debuts at Crashbar!
Thursday, December 11, 2008
8:00pm - 8:30pm
Crashbar Improv! @ Tres Stage
1523 N La Brea Ave

$5 admission

Happy Wednesday!

The special effects in this video - namely Lionel dancing on the ceiling - blew my mind. This song totally rocked my world when I was little!

Everything I needed to know in life I learned from a Jamacian Cricket Superstar

Originally posted:http://morganinla.blogspot.com/2008/03/jamacian-me-crazy.html

When I do end up venturing outside of my Sci-Fi bubble, trouble seems to find me. And find me it did on Saturday night when 3 friends and I met up at a random bar in the Valley. The bar itself was cool but the patrons were a gaggle of critters. And, wouldn't it be my luck that I seemed to have mad game there. I was like a flame and those critters couldn't seem to resist me. So, after a few seconds of being eyed by this guy, I knew I was in for it. So, it wasn't a surprise when he sauntered over to our table and began talking to us. He was a cricket champion and from Jamaica. Then the drinks started flowing and we got to know a lot more about him than we had bargained for.

Here are some things we learned:

• Anything rude/sexist/racist/mis-pronounced can be shrugged off with a simple, "I'm Jamaican". It helps if you do a shoulder hunch and sort of cock your head as well. I haven't figured out how to use this in my daily life seeing as I am not nor have I ever been mistaken for being a person of color. But I think with some creative thinking I can figure out a way to put this to use. Here is an example of how Franklin used it:"You look like Anna Nicole Smith...(pause for our slack jaw reactions)....Hey, I'm Jamaican".
• If you want to emphasize a negative quality about someone you should add the phrase "plus tax" after the negative descriptor. This is one I plan on using all the time. For example, if one sees a morbidly obese person one could say, "that woman is hella fat plus tax". It needs to be noted that the "plus tax" part should be said a few seconds after the negative descriptor as to give it more of a punch. Also, if you can arch an eyebrow and give the person a sideways glance it really gives the whole thing more pizazz and comic value. And as we all know comedy is all about timing, timing, timing.
• Also, if one calls someone fat plus tax but you find that they are far uglier than they are fat - it is okay to opening argue this point. Nothing like healthy discourse to keep your mind quick!

There are a few other unsavory things we learned as well and I would rather not put those into text as it makes me feel a little skeevie just to think about it. But, we all have our quirks and lets just say his involved some interesting sexual practices.

Hopefully we can learn some more from this gentleman as we are invited to a BBQ after his cricket match in a few weeks. I bet there are going to be some ridiculous critters there, plus tax.

I Just Got Elected Mayor of Nerd City

Just when you thought I couldn't get more bizarre and nerdy, I've gone and topped myself.

Nerdy things about me:

My deep and abiding love for all things Sci Fi.
My collection of sheep knicknacks.
My participation on a "Future Problem Solving" team throughout JR High & High School.
My love of mellow rock
My addiction to Harry Potter, Twilight and The Vampire chronicles.
My ability to tell you everything you need to know about Kenny Loggins or Greg Evigan.
My tivo'ing of General Hospital and reading of Soaps In Depth
My paintings of Jackee Harry, Edward James Olmos and Kenny Chesney


The list goes on and on. But thanks to a new iphone that my boss got me, I am able to up the nerdom to an all time high! I downloaded "Ya Mo Be There" as my ringtone. I've got Twikki from Buck Rogers as my screensaver. I downloaded both the "Lightsaber" application as well as the "Ocarina". So not only will you see me leaping through the office pretending to battle Darth with my lightsaber, but you can also catch me sitting at my desk playing a flute....on my phone...and looking like the biggest douche on the planet.

I swear every time I open one of those applications I can literally hear my ovaries dying. People like me should not breed.

Here are a group of nerds like me playing "Stairway To Heaven" on the Ocarina.

New Cheryl!!!

You asked for it and those cat-masked dance fiends that you know and love have answered your bloody kitty prayers... for your viewing pleasure: Cheryl: Arctic Fury!!!

MEOW!

Tis The Season for The Hobbits Top 5 Christmas Songs

(in no particular order)

2000 Miles by The Pretenders


I saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus - The Cougar
(this song freaking rocks - listen to that zydeco beat!)


Merry Christmas, Baby - The Boss


Last Christmas - Wham!


Do They Know Its Christmas - Band Aid

This Ain't Gonna Be Pretty

So it looks as if I am flying solo in the ole' radio station tonight as folks weren't available to be the Goose to my Maverick. Only in this case it looks as if my fate will be more of the tragic Gooses than Mavericks. You know what flying solo means, right? There will be no one there to police me and make sure that I don't say fucking or boning or porking or hand jobs or rim jobs, every five seconds. There will also be no one who will be able to fill in the awkward silence when I run out of things to say. Oh shit.

This is truly going to be a train wreck. But as some friends pointed out - the really bad crashes are the best. No one wants to hear of a silly derailment unless there is some hardcore carnage to go along with it. Decapitated bodies and chemical spills. We want death and destruction on a grand scale. And tonight looks like it is shaping up to be that kind of night. On the grand scale of really horrible shit this is going to rank up there with Pompeii and Hiroshima.

Tune in for my demise and please make sure my mother plays "November Rain" at my funeral.

Best Bike Movie Ever? YES!

9pm PST TONIGHT

Tune in to hear me discuss AWESOME MOVIE SOUNDTRACKS!!!

http://www.latalkradio.com/shows.php

This Tuesday 9-10pm PST.
Topic: Awesome Movie Soundtracks!
Call in #:1-323-203-0815

Disturbing Song Lyrics of the Day: "In The Club"

I've always enjoyed that precocious Usher Raymond and his sexually charged lyrics. I can appreciate the sheer awesomeness of "Nice & Slow"....I've even been known to sing "U-S, H-E-R, R-A, Y-M, O-N-D. Now baby tell me what you wanna do with me" during really sexy times much to the dismay of whomever is unfortunate enough to be making out with me. Bottom line, I enjoy Ushers body of work....with one exception - "In The Club".

What the FUCK, Usher? Look, maybe I haven't been granted access to clubs that are so luxurious and sanitary with music so phenomenal that it makes me want to drop trow right there and get boned to oblivion - but if you ask me, the idea of doing a chick in the middle of the club is FILTHY. Filthy dirty. Maybe copious amounts of Alize and Champagne will somehow trick your mind into thinking that is a good idea - but let me tell you Mr. Raymond - IT. IS. NOT.

Have you ever been in a club once the lights come on? Honest to God, it is awful. It makes you want to go and take a chemical bath in order to burn the scum off of you. The floors are sticky. Everything smells like sweat, stale beer and Axe body spray. Half the time you can barely walk on the dance floor because idiots like me slosh their cocktails out all over the place. I knew a girl who fell on the dance floor, landed on a glass and had to get stitches in her ass - DOES THIS SOUND LIKE AN ENVIRONMENT WHERE YOU WANT TO PORK A CHICK? Usher, I need you to really think about this one. You might as well go and give it to her in the alleyway behind the Vets center - you could go at it while dodging shards of glass and meth addicts.

Aside from the totally filthy environment where Usher is talking about giving it to some lady, is the fact that he calls it "making love". OH SWEET LORD, WHY? I absolutely hate that phrase - "making love". Can you really "make love"? Only characters on soap operas should ever utter those two awful words. That phrase is also, in my opinion, spoken by people who want to make it seem like they are going to give you some sweet, sweet loving. I don't know if totally freaking a girl in the middle of a packed nightclub can be an arena where you would tell a chick you want to make love to her. I am pretty sure anytime you are going to have sex in a very public place, making love is NOT what you would be doing.

And lastly - at no time in my life have I ever gotten so hot and bothered by whatever Jodeci song the club was bumping that it made me want to get taken to bone town with some dude I was dancing with. In fact, there is nothing really more off putting then dancing with a dude who is reenacting the song "Too Close" by Next.

You might as well give me a kiss
If we keep touching like this
I know you scared
Baby, they don't know what we doin
Dont smoke it, im fresh right here
Keep it up girl and I swear
I'ma give it to you non-stop
And I don't care who's watchin
Watchin, watchin (watchin, watchin)
Oohh, get it shawty, on the floor
Baby was made for love

The more I've thought about it though - who knows, I like adventures. When Jeezy asks if I have never made love to a Thug in a club with his sights on, 87 jeans and a new pair of nikes on... I will have to answer with an honest "no". But not for long, I just added that to my bucket list.

Song Of The Night:

You know it is sad when this sort of cheesy 70's love making music really gets your rocks off...I was so born in the wrong era.

Mark Your Calendars!!

Listen up, Bastards! If you live in the greater Los Angeles area, please come out and support my friends comedy shows! I promise you will enjoy yourself and get a hearty chuckle out of it. Plus you get to hang out with me - what more could you possibly ask for? Me + Laughter = AWESOME. Thats a true story.

UPCOMING SHOWS:

Thursday DEC. 11 - 8PM
"Not It" performs
Not It is:
Danny Mastrangelo
Rene Gube
8:00pm - 8:30pm
Crashbar Improv! @ Tres Stage
1523 N La Brea Ave
Cost: $5


Monday DEC. 15 - 9:30pm
UCB is hosting a 3 on 3 improv comedy tournament.
BLUE Performs
Blue is:
Toni Ramos
Jake Regal
Jason Sheridan

Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre
5919 Franklin Avenue
Hollywood, CA 90028
9:30PM
$5 (or free with a UCB student card)

Saturday DEC 20 - 8pm
Payphone Wedding performs
IO West Theater - Andy Dick Black Box Stage

tickets are FREE
Payphone Wedding is:
Michael Capes
Hector Santa Cruz
Rene Gube
Danny Mastrangelo
Toni Ramos
Jake Regal
Amy Vorpahl

Greg Evigan: Or How I Wanted To Bone One Of "My Two Dads

originally posted: http://morganinla.blogspot.com/2008/05/greg-evigan-wednesday.html

Oh Greg Evigan - you blonde haired moppet. What with your boyish grin and your sexiness and your ability to play a completely believable truck driver with a precocious chimp aboard - you captured my heart at a young age and since then I haven't loved another man like I have loved you.

Oh those sweet days of youth, when I watched you rear young Stacy Keenan with your friend and co-father Paul Reiser. While Paul was the neurotic asswipe that annoyed me with every syllable he uttered(a character that would later morph into the husband on Mad About You - much to everyone's dismay), you played the laid back dreamer with a heart of gold and an artistic streak. Who can forget the cut off tees and that car couch you crafted. Hell you even sang the theme song with a voice like a Lark. A real sexy lark. Oh how I wished I could have a father like you. Well, maybe more of a male influence in my life not related by blood since I totally wanted to make out with you and seeing as how that would be straight up incestuous and not cool at all. And then, when I thought all was lost after My Two Dads was canceled you came back from the abyss and really socked it to me with the show "Tekwar", which blended my two favorite things together - Science Fiction and You. Oh sweet, sweet Greg.

I have heard rumblings that you have been on Desperate Houswives - good for you Greg - although I don't have TV and wouldn't watch that show even if you and Kenny Loggins played brothers who woo all the ladies in the land with smooth tunes and a lot of sassy hair. But good for you all the same.

Greg, I miss you boo. Until I see you next (hopefully in a new Tekwar series!!!), I will watch these old clips of you and have the sweetest dreams imaginable.

In the immortal lyrics of "My Two Dads"(which YOU wrote you sly ally cat):

I can see a part of me in you.
A little something special that comes shining through.
I hear it in your laughter,
And I feel it when you cry,
I will be right there for you,
Until the day I die.

This is for you Greg....

ST Elmos Fire: Or How I Came To Realize I am More Like The Boss Boffing, Coke Snorting, Jules As Opposed To The Scuba Suit Wearing Wendy

Originally posted: http://morganinla.blogspot.com/2007/10/st-elmos-fire-how-i-reazlied-i-am-not.html







St. Elmo's Fire is one of my favorite movies. I am not ashamed to admit this as I am pretty sure AFI voted this like one of the top 5 movies of all time, right behind Citizen Kane, Rashomon, Gone with the Wind and Point Break. I am confident that many other people share my point of view that this movie rules. I am also not alone in saying that Rob Lowe's Halloween outfit (where he is wearing the yellow sleeveless tank with the bats on it coupled with a head band) is one of few times I have ever been ok with sleeveless tank tops on males. But I digress.

I have seen this movie hundreds of times and no matter what age I was when I saw it one thing remained the same : I always identified with "Wendy Beamish".

Wendy was played by with great homeliness by Mare Winningham. Wendy wasn't so much ugly as she was meek and mousy and in love with the coolest cat around - Billy (Rob "Bat Shirt" Lowe). The coupling of her being so sad-sack and in love with this unattainable dude was almost too much to handle and my heart breaks now just thinking about it. She wore cardigans and what I am certain must have been Laura Ashley skirts. Not only that, but she also wore these sort of nude/rose colored glasses and had a Mom-esque bob. It was just too much awful to take in.

Worse than the overall sense of style that she did not possess was the fact that somewhere, deep down, you knew that her friends thought she was pathetic. Which is just too sad. I always wondered how they met each other. Like, did the girls live in the same dorm and befriend Mare because she was the only one not hungover and would therefore make it to their Western Civ lectures and they needed the notes? Or was it because she was mad rich and they needed the fringe benefits that come with being friends with a rich kid? But that doesn't seem to hold up because they all seem to be doing fairly well (aside from Jules manic spending sprees). It just doesn't make sense. What seems to be more of a scenario is that Ally Sheedy's character was like, "hey guys, she is really nice and doesn't have many friends so lets invite her out". And when all the guys and Demi protested, she reminded them that Mare had mad scratch and that changed their minds.

Whatever the scenario was - she just didn't fit in and she totes had a thing for an unattainably cool son of a bitch. And when I watched that film I saw nothing but myself in Mare. I couldn't relate to anyone else other than her. Her story was mine. Her plight, my plight. In the scene when she brings Billy home and he gets sauced and tries to slip a hand up her skirt and she is wearing those pantyhose (the ones that are more like girdles and not really flattering to look at) and he is aghast at it and asks her if she is wearing a scuba suit -I felt her pain. Although it hadn't happened to me (seeing as I was only 9 and not at the point where i needed a girdle) I could foresee that being in my dating future. I just knew that would happen to me as well. Her humiliation was palpable to me. Her friends used her for her car, her money and her brain and it all clicked with me. Even when Billy finally takes her virginity at the end of the film, right before he leaves to pursue his dreams of rockin' it on the Sax in New York, you knew it was only a pity fuck. And worse you knew it was only a matter of time when she, broken and binging on cookie dough, calls back up Stewie Newman and ended up marrying that pathetic piece of flesh because she didn't have anything better in her future. I.Was.Mare.

Or at least I thought I was Mare.

A few months ago I was talking to a friend of mine re: my love of St Elmo's Fire and my feeling that Wendy could be my doppelganger. My friend looked at me in a really perplexed head cocked to the side fashion and told me I had to be "fucking insane". When she told me I was more like Jules, I scoffed. I may not be Wendy's kindred spirit but I am sure as hell not Jules "I go crazy and paint a Billy Idol on my wall mural" Jacoby!I fucking HATED Jules. She was annoying.She was crude. She was hell on wheels. OH. MY. GOD.....

It was then that I realized I am about as much like Wendy Beamish as I am like Sammy Davis Jr- which is to say not at all. I am not sure what I felt we had in common (other than a propensity to wear unflattering spectacles). I didn't come from money (rural Texas to be exact), I certainly wasn't smart enough to have people use me, I didn't have any weight issues and I drove a Toyota (a far cry from the bitching LeBaron Convertible that she rocked in the film).

Jules on the other hand.....Jules and I were a little more suited for each other. We both had insane fathers with a penchant for marrying crazy women (my favorite was my ex-Puerto Rican stepmother who was only 7 years my senior and would only speak to me in Spanish. Which I don't speak). There was also Jules issue with "spending" and "credit card debt". When I was a Freshman in college I applied and received about 4 credit cards and maxed everyone of them out. What do I have to show for it? Star Wars collectibles, CD's and back issues of Royalty Magazine. Sure it wasn't as cool as the neon Billy Idol mural, leather sectional sofas and jeep that Jules nabbed, but we both obviously had some money issues.

I suppose the more obvious trait we shared Jules love of a good time. I am not saying I have been up in a suite with a bunch of Saudi Arabian business men who may or may not be implying a gang bang whilst snorting pure Columbian nose candy.... but I am not saying I haven't either. I also know what it is like to get wasted and dance in a circle at a party (see the Kirbo party he held for Dale Beaverman. I know what its like to have all of your friends know that you are the drunk of the group and be on call for whatever ridiculous scrape you've gotten yourself into this time. Hell, I AM that friend who gets drunk and crashes with their married/in a committed relationship friends because I have nowhere else to go. I even refer to myself of the Aniston to my married friend's Arquette's.

Once I realized that I was nothing like Wendy and everything like the character I despised, my life was turned upside down. It was like everything I have ever known isn't the same anymore. I don't even know myself anymore. Who am I? What do I even stand for?

I don't think I have quite recovered from the shock of this realization. Everyday is a new battle to understand how I could have been so blindsided, for so many years. Each day presents itself with an obstacle and I am forced to ask myself, "what would Jules do"? More often than not the answer to that question is "do some rails and bone a questionable man", but they are answers all the same. Slowly, I am coming to accept my new persona - the one that was always there but invisible to me.

Slowly I am attempting to own my inner Jules.

Wow.

I can't really explain the love I have for fan tribute videos - I just love them. This one is phenomenal as it combines the theme song from "Eddie and The Cruisers" - the classic Michael Pare movie - with Star Wars.

So pathetic. So awesome.

The title of the video is "The Dark Side by Eddie and The Corelians"...

In Honor Of Tomorrow's Show:

Tomorrow night call in with your picks for the most awesome movie soundtracks of all time! You better fucking believe Kenny Loggins is making the list. That man was the soundtrack GOD in the 80's.

What would have Top Gun without Loggins? A whole lotta nothing, thats what.

Happy Monday!

I thought I would post some amazing videos that my future husband Bret and his band mate Jermaine made.

Happy Sunday!

"Hey, Girl. Hey" Radio Show - TUESDAY !!!

Spread the word:

http://www.latalkradio.com/shows.php

This Tuesday 9-10pm PST.
Topic: Awesome Movie Soundtracks!
Call in #:1-323-203-0815

Also, the last 15 min. of the show will be dedicated to taking your "Confessions". Think of embarrassing secrets, etc to call in about.

Happy Sunday!

Its a sensual Sunday courtesy of Hall and Oates.

One On One..

Oh yes.

Come Out and Support My Friends!!!

FREE IMPROV SHOW!
Payphone Wedding
Saturday Dec 6th
8pm
IO West Theater - Andy Dick Black Box Stage

It is going to be an awesome show and you will laugh your ass off, I promise!!!

OH HELLS YES! HAPPY FRIDAY!!!!!

Best. Video. Ever.

Morgan's checklist of AWESOME:
1) Lost Nelson Triplet? CHECK!
2) Dungeons & Dragons inspired video? CHECK!
3) Totally awesome chorus? CHECK!

HAPPY FUCKING FRIDAY!

My Appologies to LFO

In a previous post I discussed how the song "Summer Girls" by LFO basically raped my ears. I wasn't very kind in my description of the band - I think I called them a "gaggle of douchebags" and possibly "a bunch of pricks". And possibly someone from said band might have read the entry. Now I feel bad and realize that actually wasn't very nice of me. I am a big enough person to admit that.

To be honest, I think my issue with the band/song stems more from what the radio station "KDUCK" in Eugene was playing at the time. KDUCK, God bless em, was the only "top 20" station in that area of Oregon and being as such they seemed to feel like it was their duty to play the shit out of songs. They didn't let any song escape from being played at least 30 to 40 times a day over the span of a year. And unfortunately for LFO's "Summer Girls" they were clumped into that play list. Hearing any of the following songs can pretty much make me want to kill myself or someone else - and its more KDUCK's fault than that of the bands.

Smooth - Santana feat Rob Thomas
Can't Fight The Moonlight - LeAnn Rimes
Mambo #5 - Lou Bega
I Need To Know - Marc Anthony
Kiss Me- Six Pence None The Richer
The Animal Song - Savage Garden
Steal My Sunshine - Len

I put "Mambo #5" in bold as this one is especially troublesome. This song played NON STOP and reminds me of a time in my life when I sported black party pants, and elfin haircut and a shit ton of glitter on my face. It was not a pretty time in this shitbags life.

The main thing is that even though I am annoyed and not the biggest "Summer Girls" fan, it wasn't very nice of me to stereotype them as doucheabags and pricks since pretty much everyone at that time was writing songs that were in a similar vein. And as far as their fashion sense - well, chalk it up to the times. I was a 98 degrees fan and I remember A LOT of sleeveless v-neck sweater things and barbed wire tats - so who am I to judge right?

My apologies LFO. For reals.

And as punishment to myself, please find "Mambo #5" posted. I can guarantee you that this song will NEVER leave my head.

Awesomeness of the Evening!

Looking For Something To Do This Weekend?

Payphone Wedding - the long form improv team that you all know and love - is having a free show! I can vouch for these fools as I used to take classes with the lot of them. They are a ridiculously funny and you won't regret going to see them perform. What better way to spend a Saturday night than laughing your ass off for free? Exactly!

So come out and support some up and coming improvisers!

Payphone Wedding
Saturday Dec 6th
8pm
IO West Theater - Andy Dick Black Box Stage
Admission is FREE!!

Center Stage 2 : Or how my heart broke into 1,000 pieces last night!

I am a big time Center Stage fan - I make no bones about it. Heck, I practically dedicated my entire first radio program to it. I just love that movie. I love Charlies gay ass, I love Jodi Sawyer with her bad feet and penchant for bringing boys pastries after they have boned. Hell, I even loved Maureen and Eva. That movie really brought some light into my life during a very dark period. A time that was marked with 16 hour sleep sessions, gray sweatsuits and lots and lots of Passions. But once I saw the film, its like a little light turned on in my blackened heart and this hobbit was back on top again.

My love of this film knows no bounds - which was why I was surprised to find out a sequel had been made. I just happened to flip on the TV last night and "Center Stage 2: Turn It Up" was debuting on the Oxygen network. Of course it was on Oxygen. This movie crushed my heart into a thousand pieces and if the first movie brought my heart back to life, this one crushed what little soul I had left. Thanks a lot, you motherfuckers!

The good news is Jonathan and Cooper Nielson are back. The bad news? Even Peter Gallaghers eyebrows can't save this flaming piece of shit. The lead actress suffers from an unfortunate case of Alvin and the Chipmunk face. Jodi Sawyer she is not. Then there is the "Maureen" character. NO! NO! NO! This chick is basically a non-alkie Oksana Baiul. Every bit as annoying as Oksana but without the weird swan lake costume and triple toe loops. Maureen you loved to hate - this chick is just worthless. There is no Eva - instead we have a douchebag little sister that I'm supposed to care about. There isn't even an Eric O! This movie is like a shitty Save the Last Dance. But like really shitty.

OH CENTER STAGE GODS, WHY HATH THOU FORSAKEN ME?!

I'm posting the trailer - watch at your own risk. I'm going to opt out of viewing that train wreck again and will instead watch the ORIGINAL Center Stage on repeat all night in order to cleanse myself of that trash!

A Song Dedication For The Drunk Dude Wanting In Last Night (thats what she said)

I would like to dedicate the classic "I broke into a chicks house and totes date raped her" anthem, "Tyler" by the Toadies, to the creepster from last night.

I hope you date rape like its 1997 to this ditty!

Happy Thursday

An Open Lett er to The Drunk Man Who Tried To Get Into Our Apartment Last Night at 2:30am

Dear Mr. Too Much Jaegermeister,

First, let me please say that I do sympathize with your situation. I don't want you to think that I can't in some small way understand what you must have been going through last night. In fact it wasn't that long ago that I too was quite intoxicated and attempting to break into my apartment as well. Its an awful feeling and I can understand how frustrating this must have been for you as our apartment is quite difficult to penetrate. However, I live in the apartment I was trying to get into - you do not.

Who in fact are you? I have no idea nor does Jill, the poor lamb who first heard you jiggling the doorknob and pounding on the door at 2:30 in the morning. You seemed to be dressed in your finest douchebag clothing and from the way you looked through the peep-hole, it looked as if you had taken enough jaeger-bombs to make a dude from the Jersey Shore puke. Seriously, who the fuck are you?

You seemed to really want into our apartment and were peeved that we weren't obliging you by opening the door. Please accept our apologizes by not caving to your sweet, demanding slurred yelps of "open up". We are so very sorry! What can I say? It must have been a momentary lapse in manners on my part. Normally I am always game for a late night raping and pillaging by a drunken scoundrel who wanders into my apartment, but last night for some reason I just wasn't in the mood. How very rude of me. Next time you scare the shit out of us and somehow deem our apartment the one you want to enter and bang some unsuspecting chicks in, you can count on me to participate!

Before I part, I want to thank you for helping me to not be able to fall back asleep last night. Considering I already only sleep a good three hours a night due to my insomnia, your late night shenanigans coupled with the downstairs neighbor who decided to have a pot and pan conga line/vacuuming party at 3am, helped push my sleep to an all time low. These very flattering blue circles under my eye which helps me to look like a sickly elf are in no small part due to you and the fucktards who live under us. So thank you.Thank you very much!

I hope the next time you consume too much booze and want to break into a strangers apartment that you will once again choose mine. Next time I promise I will be down for some Ted Bundy inspired fun!

XOXO
Morgan & Donnie Lamont

Random Video of the Afternoon

I was attempting to find the music video for "Island Life" by the smooth jazz artist Michael Franks, when I stumbled upon this gem.

My only response to this is: WHAT THE FUCK?

Why on earth, if you were going to edit together a random video of gifs, would you set it to Michael Franks music? This is a seriosuly smooth ditty and you've got it set to pics of smiley faces roaming across civil war reenactments and bizarre "LOL Cat" captionings. It is mind boggling. I even read the blurb on its youtube page to see if the person editing this was a real Franks fanatic. He didn't even know what music he was using! This is odd. Really, really, really odd.

I just got ear-raped!

By LFO! I was perusing the interwebs and I came across the 1999 classic " Summer Girls" by LFO....which by the way stands for Lyte Funkie Ones! HA! HA! HA! What a gaggle of douchebags.

I admire those idiots for crafting what could be the most absurd song ever. I really like how they jump between discussing the girls love of pop rocks to the fact that her father abandoned her when she was four years old right into some American history. Good for you LFO. Good for you. If you are going to be pricks you might as well be the biggest pricks.

They drink lemonade and speak real slow
You love hip hop and rock n roll
Dad took off when you were 4 years old
There was a good man named Paul Revere
I feel much better baby when you're near
You love fun dip and cherry Coke,
I like the way you laugh when I tell a joke
When I met you I said my name was Rich
You look like a girl from Abercrombie and Fitch

From The Hobbits Vault (no its not a euphemism)

http://morganinla.blogspot.com/2007/10/best-worst-thing-any-guy-has-ever-said.html

http://morganinla.blogspot.com/2007/09/in-meantime-inbetween-time-party.html

My Favorite Video: Or How I Became Obsessed With Stop Motion and Old British Dudes

To this day the video for Peter Gabriel's "Sledgehammer" is one of my all time favorites. It was so creative and colorful and ahead of its time. I can remember watching it on MTV (before the fundamentalist Baptists in our town had it taken off our cable providers channel list) and being in awe. Not only is it a cool as hell video but the song itself rules. I think at the end when he is in room surrounded by people and the song sort of breaks down with "I kicked the habit" lines, is freaking rocking! The fruit face to the star jacket and robot dancing - it all rules! I am pretty sure this video is what helped me to become obsessed with stop motion animation. Well this video and Pee Wee's Playhouse. Those little vignettes inside of Pee Wee's fridge when all the food was doing circus acts always got me!

Please enjoy some Peter in the morning:

Happy Birthday, Daryl Hannah!

The real Daryl and not my look alike friend Theresa, is celebrating her birthday today. Happy birthday my little replicant porpoise!

Another Sign of the Apocalypse:

The band CREED is in talks to reunite. I fucking KNEW it was the end of the world and this news only solidifies my hunch! In no time we will be living life like one of those Kirk Cameron "Left Behind" movies with CREED as our soundtrack. AHHHHHHHHHHH!

Video Of the Morning

Happy Wednesday, Doodlebugs.

Its a Neil Diamond type of morning. I opted out of the more solemn ditties "Shilo" and "Solitary Man" in order to not bring everyone down to my level of pathetic. So instead I present you with kick ass Neil. Its still a pathetic song. But its an upbeat pathetic. Much like me. Upbeat and pathetic.

This song is about wine. This is a song about a boozer in love with red wine. True story. And I fucking love it. Hobo love songs!

9-10pm PST - TUNE IN FOR MY DEMISE!

http://www.latalkradio.com/shows.php

Helpful Website O' The Day

Thanks to Jeff for finding this gem! For years I have struggled to make my own hat that could thwart any attempts at alien mind control, but I have failed at the task...until now:

http://www.stopabductions.com/

Wanna See Some Good Improv?!

Your favorite improv team, Payphone Wedding, is back and ready to rock TNT on Tuesday, December 2nd at 8PM.

12/2 8PM
1444 N. Sierra Bonita Avenue
Hollywood, CA

ADMISSION IS FREE!

UPCOMING SHOWS:
Saturday, December 06 @ 08:00 PM in the Upstairs Blackbox - tickets are FREE

Saturday, December 20 @ 08:00 PM in the Andy Dick BlackBox - tickets are FREE


Payphone Wedding is:
Michael Capes
Hector Santa Cruz
Rene Gube
Danny Mastrangelo
Toni Ramos
Jake Regal
Amy Vorpahl

TONIGHT! TONIGHT! TONIGHT! (whoa-oh!)

Tonight! Tonight! Tonight!

Want to see me get fined by the FCC for dropping the F Bomb? Tune in tonight for your chance:

http://www.latalkradio.com/shows.php


Tonight 9-10pm PST.
Topic: Guilty Pleasure Movies
Call in #:1-323-203-0815

Choo! Choo! This is going to be a TRAIN WRECK!!!

Forgetfulness = Lame Ass Cds

So, my dad hasn't always been the best at remembering my birthday. And when he does remember the date it seems that it is so last minute that he is frantic to find anything he could use to send me as a gift.One birthday in particular I was thrilled to receive 6 cds. Normally a kid would be really jazzed to get 6 cds - especially in the early 90's when those things were worth their weight in gold. Well, normally I would have been excited...except my father had apparently re-gifted the cds he had ordered from Columbia House. Which meant I got cds like Basia, Michael Franks, Gloria Estefan and the Miami Sound Machine (my father has an obsession with all things Latin) and numerous others that sucked serious ass. The Basia cd though I could stomach. Now don't get me wrong - I appreciate the gesture. I really do. But it isn't like I don't already have shitty music taste, I don't need someone luring me to the dark side.

I've got a headache and this song stuck in my head. I blame my father for the later.

Here is a video from that cd, "Until You Come Back To Me". I think Basia was Polish. But I won't hold it against her.

Topic for Dec 2nd "Hey, Girl. Hey" Show.

Tuesdays radio show topic is:

GUILTY PLEASURE MOVIES!

Think of some good guilty pleasure films and some equally embarrassing confessions and get ready to call in! Don't forget - tomorrow evening, Dec 2nd from 9-10pm PST!

Call in number:
1-323-203-0815

Happy Monday!