Jordy Rocks it French Kid Style

This song is oddly soothing to me....

Michael Pare Tuesday!

Lasagnacat

This is my new favorite thing and I think the guy who made this has to be a freaking genius. I am only jealous that I didn't come up with it first. Creative bastards!

Wanna bet the person who made this also loves Pooh?

Look, I loved the original "Charlotte's Web" cartoon as much as the next kid. In fact, I can't watch the ending when Charlotte dies without crying. True story. And Templeton? Don't even get me started on Templeton. What a card!

With that said, this shit is weird. Cutting a montage of the cartoon to a Sarah McLaughlin song? I don't know why this strikes me as so odd and creepy as I sort of seek out things that are odd and creepy (see the Ewok Celebration Song sung by a barbershop quartet) - but it does. The thing is, you know an adult did this seeing as the cartoon came out in 72' or something. Any tween with access to a mac would be cutting together the Dakota Fanning version, not this. And because it is an adult, I can pretty much visualize what this person making it looks like, bless their hearts. Weight issues, Winnie the Pooh embroidered shirts and some knock off keds coupled with "mom" jeans. I am not judging. Ok, maybe I am. I just think someone might have a) too much time on their hands and b) a slight obsession with charlottes web in order to create a montage of the movie set to a sensitive McLaughlin tune.

Judge for yourself.

Eeek!

Debate of the Day! #1

DEBATE OF THE DAY #1 :

Would you rather give alternating insulin shots and handjobs to Wilford Brimley for life while he tells you about Oatmeal?

OR

Would you rather french kiss Levar Burton (in Star Trek garb - including glasses) for life while the "Reading Rainbow" theme plays on loop in the background?

Thomas Kincade Inspirational Painting of the Day

Here is your daily dose of the light...

This one is entitled, Serenity Cove.

My Hometown is Perfect for People on the Lam!!!

Little did I know that my hometown is perfect for people who are on the lam! Be it running from your husband with the child that you have reared as your own but that actually belongs to the town rapist turned good guy or if you are the matriarch of a wealthy family who suffers from personality disorder and is currently mending a broken heart while working in a local diner and running from the ex husband who is now taking up with her arch nemisis - Paris, Texas is the place to be!!!

I am so proud!!!

It's an Oak Ridge Boys Tuesday

I get a real tingly sensation when I watch the mustachioed gentlemen sing the first few verses of "Elvira". Those gents of the Oak Ridge Boys certainly knew how to dress for success!

Even better than that is when the camera cuts to audience reactions and there is none other than the Caribbean Queen himself Billy Ocean clapping his hands and singing along. See! Country music transcends races! And the next celeb is the sexiest man alive - Gerald McRainy - in his Simon and Simon and newly porking Delta Burke glory!!

Sexy Song of the Afternoon

I love nothing more than a rocking song about talking to flying dead people sung by Donna Martin's abusive boyfriend, Ray.

If I was thrown down a flight of stairs by Ray all it would take to get me back into his good graces would be a verse or two of this romantic ditty.

Enjoy.

Inspirational Thomas Kincade Painting of the Day

Sometimes, when I am feeling pretty down and out, I have to turn to my hero in order to pull myself up by the bootstraps and going on living another day. My hero of course is none other than Thomas Kincade, the painter of light.

Thomas' paintings never fail to fill me with whimsy and delight when I gaze upon them. The glints of light he paints truly inspire me to be the best person I can. Thomas Kincade is not only the painter of light - he is the meaning in my life.

Please enjoy this daily dose of the light....

Monday's Smooth Groove of the Afternoon

America's "You can do magic".

You're welcome.

My Soulmates?

A Barbershop Quartet sings the Ewok Celebration Song.... seriously.

I am sitting here sort of mesmerized that there is a group of people more nerdy than I am. I don't know whether to be embarrassed for them or call them up and see if they would like to procreate? Is this what love feels like?

My Two Favorite Things!

Smooth Music and Van Halen!

My favorite line? "Sorry guys, hard rock don't get my cock hard. The Doobies do."

Please Enjoy Yacht Rock 9: Running with the Devil!!!!

There are no words to describe the sheer joy I feel when I watch a Cher and Osmond family medley. I mean, just look at the purple jumpsuits for God's sake!!!

Chapter 8: Jungle Fever

CHAPTER 8: Jungle Fever

Darkness had fallen outside Hogwarts. Hermoine and the rest of the members of SPEW had been celebrating the liberation of 4 new House-Elves. Empty butterbeer bottles littered the common room. The rest of the club had gone home and all that remained were she and Dobby.
The butter-beers had begun to make Hermonie feel light headed. She sat bathed in the firelight. Dobby was sitting next to her on the hearth. She could feel his knobby leg pressed against hers. Her face began to be flushed. He was so close she could feel him breathe. Her newly formed bosoms were heaving harder and harder. She turned to look at Dobby. They were finally alone. All alone. All of those feelings that had come to her in the night could finally come to light. She took a sip of butterbeer - making sure that Dobby saw the way that her lucious lips encompased the bottle. His watery bug eyes looked up into hers. His lips began to part. His boney little finger reached up to wipe off the dribble of butter beer from hermoines mouth. The instant his cold, elfin finger touched her quivering lip, she knew that she had to be his. Her throbbing loins wanted him so badly. But how?It was Dobby. He was an Elf and she a witch. It could never happen. It should never happen. Oh, how she wanted it to happen. As Dobby pulled his finger from her mouth, butterbeer on the tip, she leaned in and she licked the butter beer off his finger - savoring every drop. She was certain that it wouldn't be the last thing on Dobby's sickly, elfin body that she licked that night. At that instant she looked down to see the little tea cozy that he always wore, begin to get snugger and snugger at an increasing pace. The fire was not the only thing roaring that moment.

After spending so many months helping to liberate the house elves, she had never realized until that moment how much she needed to be liberated - and Dobby was going to be the one to do it.

Hot Bitches of the Weekend

The first Hot Bitches of 2008
are the sexy brothers of
Simon & Simon.

Those two were the original dynamic duo. A crazy sexy dynamic duo! May the sexiness of Gerald McRainy in his heyday and the other dude, make your weekend glorious and magical.

Chapter 3: Something Wicked This Way Comes

Here is an excerpt from Chapter 3 of my yet to be titled wizarding romance novel. This comes from my first draft, so please excuse any errors.

Chapter 3: Something Wicked This Way Comes

Arthur, in his quest to overthrow the Death Eaters, became obsessed with finding the informant who was working for the Dark Lord in the Ministry. He worked tirelessly with the surviving members of the Order to root out the informant that the Death Eaters had planted. For months he had been living in a blur. A blur of intrigue and dark magic. His once caring eyes had become cold and distant. He was a man on the edge. A man who knew that he was the only one close enough to the ministry to be able to unmask the man who was killing so many of his family and friends. He had one mission and one mission only and nothing and no one would take his eyes off the ultimate prize.

With Arthur working around the clock with the rest of the Order and the children all off at Hogwarts, Molly found herself increasingly alone for days at a time. On the rare occasion Arthur did make it home, he would give her a half hearted embrace, pound a butter beer and then would retreat to the guest bedroom. She could here him in there, pacing back and force and practicing incantations. She would stand in the kitchen, expandable ear pressed upstairs to the spare room, and silently wish that he would swoop down the stairs, pull her into an embrace and ravage her the way that a Thestral would devour it's prey. As the days became weeks and weeks became months, it seemed as though the warm caring man Molly married was never going to return. He had become a new man. A man consumed by darkness. And that was something that Molly could never accept into her life.

Early on, Molly found she could bare the solitude quite well. She was able to do the things that she had longed to do but never allowed herself because her prorities always lay with making sure Arthur and the children were taken care of. But after months of Arthur being away, she feared that she would never feel the warmth of a husbands love again. She feared she would never be made to feel like a woman again.

As she would lay in bed at night she was silently yearning for her husbands touch and all of the things that he would do to make her feel like a woman. Arthur could gaze into her beady green eyes and make her melt with one look. Her stubby knees would become weak and he would know that she was his for the taking. She longed for the way that he would pull her into an embrace after the children had gone to sleep - slowly taking off her robe with a few well placed flicks of his wand. Arthur was so skilled with his wand use she could barely think of it without swooning. She missed the way that his red hair - all of his red hair- glowed under the flicker of candlelight. His freckles looking like tiny little bearnie bots every flavor beans. His sinewy body writhing like a merperson in the shining lake outside Hogwarts. Most of all, she missed the way he made her feel like a real wizard. A big and sexy wizard. Arthur could make Molly feel the way a wizard should feel when a warlock is making sweet, sweet, magical love to them.

So, as she lay there in her cold marriage bed, mulling over those carnal pleasures she feared she would never feel again, her loins as lonely and desolate as a poor man's safe at Gringots, the tears began to flow down her swollen, red face. The tears and memories of passionate ginger lovemaking were the only thing keeping her company that night.

Or at least that is what she thought.

To be Continued.....

My New Career

As I sat in a bar, downing Pabst after Pabst, while waiting in dread for yet another year to come and go and for me to still not be using the talents the Lord gave me, I had an epiphany. 2008 will be the year that I finally do what I was meant to do.

By using my God given talents, I will finally know what it is like to make a difference in the world. I can finally know the satisfaction that comes from making this world a better place. Like Mother Theresa, Nelson Mandela and Bono before me - I will be helping the human race, regardless of race or creed!

Starting at the stroke of midnight, with help from a friend of mine, I began my new career. Say hello to the newest author of Wizard Erotica!!!

Over the next few days, stay tuned for excerpts from my first novel as I found Wizard Erotica flows quite quickly from me once I get started (no pun intended).

I hope you are excited to journey into a world of romance and magic!

Ginger of the Week

In honor of the new year, this weeks ginger of the week is a wee little baby.

An odd, freakish looking Irish child who will certainly have a lifetime filled with embarrassment and angst as they live through a lifetime of ginger jokes! Cheers to you, you carrot headed freak!

Happy 2008 Jerkwads

May the year be filled with whimsy, wonderment and a shit load of Unicorns and stuff.